148) 1st September 2011
Empathy: “They’re putting a damn garden there now! I don’t know why they do that.” “Where?” “Over there. Where that man was found dead.”
149) 2nd September 2011
In 1901, Samuel Franklin Cody showcased his famous War-Kites to a government panel on Holbeck Moor. Mary Poppins would have been apalled.
150) 3rd September 2011
On the bottom panel of the Leeds Cross is Weland the Smith, wrapped up in Christianity and the flying machine he made to reach Valhalla.
151) 4th September 2011
“Blue Coyote will re-open as Leeds’ most innovative lapdancing club”. The new programme will look to traditional forms like Morris + clog.
152) 5th September 2011
According to Leeds Tripe Shop, “Quality tripe can increase your libido 4-fold.” It must be taken orally to achieve the desired effect.
153) 6th September 2011
Legend tells of a ghostly carriage on the carriage drive at Temple Newsam. Hearsay mentions a spooky Fiat Punto in your mum’s back garden.
154) 7th September 2011
Dortmund Sq: By CeX is a sad-looking teen with a bunch of wilting tulips. Electrical goods are easily swapped. Hearts are non-exchangable.
155) 8th September 2011
“Is that a fox?” “Where?” “There! In that house!” “Where?” “In the window! I think it’s a fox!” “Oh yeah! That’s weird!” 2 girls, I Yorkie.
156) 9th September 2011 Take a chance on me: Found a betting slip on the doormat this morning. Scribbled on the back – “Windows cleaned, call 07804020—.”
157) 10th September 2011
Overheard at The Leeds Library: “You’ll be able to find it on the internet. I did anyway. Just google “children eating fairy hawthorne”.”
158) 11th September 2011
Greed: “What’s wrong?” Spits. “Oh nothing. It looked like a midget gem but I think it was the rubber thing off the bottom of the kettle.”
159) 12th September 2011
Post-feminism?: Scrawled on the side of a pillar box in Moortown, “God loves you, you’re not a female.”
160) 13th September 2011
Tough Love: “What are you getting your dad for his birthday?” “A book about the history of cancer. Oh – and some duty-free cigarettes.”
161) 14th September 2011
Leeds zoological and botanical gardens opened in Headingley in 1840. All that’s left of it today is the bearpit on Cardigan Road.
162) 15th September 2011
Austin #1: Leeds’ only Poet Laureate was Alfred Austin (1835-1913). He has the reputation of being “the worst and least read English poet”.
163) 16th September 2011
Austin #2: According to poetry lovers, Austin got the job as Laureate (post Tennyson) by flattering the then Prime Minister, Lord Salisbury.
164) 17th September 2011
Austin #3: On the illness of the Prince of Wales, “Across the wires the electric message came. “He is no better, he is much the same.”"
165) 18th September 2011
“I had my tarot read today! Uncanny! She looked at me + said, “Your problem is, you always avoid the truth” – and it’s true! I always do!”
166) 19th September 2011
The old religion: Stacked beneath a cairn of conkers by the gates of the synagogue, I find a tiny pile of foil-wrapped condoms.
167) 20th September 2011
William Loadman, a farmer at Meanwood, died in November 1778. The burial register simply states “he killed himself with a piece of wood.”
168) 21st September 2011
At the back of the No2, a deaf couple sign happily at each other across the aisle. Between them sits a young girl immured in her i-pod.
169) 22nd September 2011
All the best supermarkets: Outside Waitrose stands a man playing a violin + using a leg to jiggle a puppet devil wearing stripy dungarees.
170) 23rd September 2011
Every Child Matters: “Robin Dove! What a ghastly name!” My uncle’s primary school teacher on their 1st meeting. Chapel Allerton Primary 1948
171) 24th September 2011
Healthy Eating: By the bus stop, a cocky pigeon sidles past a pile of chips, hops into the kebab shop and pauses, pondering the salad bar.
172) 25th September 2011
In 1768, William Isles, a draper of Potternewton cut his own throat in the coach on the way back from London. He was found dead on arrival.
173) 26th September 2011
Groin up in Leeds: Poem on a wall in an East Leeds primary school, “Yesterday I saw an orange and black loin, sitting next to my door.”
174) 27th September 2011
Robert Kitchingman died on May 7th 1716, aged 99 years. He was buried at midnight in Chapel Allerton graveyard, lit by 100 torch bearers.
175) 28th September 2011
“He takes a glass o’ water to bed wi’ him every night. Every night! I’d never heard of that before I met him. It must be a Barnsley thing.”
176) 29th September 2011
Faecal one-upmanship: On the no 7, two young men with designer papooses sit comparing the relative sizes of their respective babies’ poos.
177) 30th September 2011
Garishly painted 13a says, “We believe that buses are the future.” A teenager gapes + shrieks “OMG, I wanna have my picture taken with it!”